Naughty plants

I thought you'd all like to check out some of the naughty things the plant life around us get up to... literally. *G*

Meow!

DISCLAIMER: NO CATS WERE HURT IN THE TELLING OF THIS JOKE!

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution, bored out of their minds. "How about having sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac.

Silence took over... and then the masochist said, "Meow."

DSTV Firemen

Wanton Quill, April 2010, available now!

The Wanton Quill
Newsletter #59- Month 2009 Edition

I hope you've had a spectacular month. Mine has been busy, which is good, and productive, which is very good. Grab a cup of your favorite beverage and I'll tell you all about it.

What you'll find in this issue:

What Jude's been up to: 
This has been an incredibly trying month, and I've got some awesome news too!

Where to find Jude: 
Website, myspace, yahoo and more…oh so very much more

Coming soon:
Forever Mine, Willing and Able and Untamed Hearts 2 in PRINT!

New Releases:

Stiff Trick, Lunch is Served in both ebook and audio

Reviews:
E.H. of E.H. on Books N’ More gave Echoes of the Future a fantastic review

Free Read
You betcha, a nice, steamy hot excerpt, just for you

Contest Winner
Congratulations to Linda Bass, find out what she won and why. And, an awesome new contest for this month

Website updates:
You betcha. New stuff and here's the url: http://www.my-haven2001.com/

To read a slightly condensed version online, go here:

 http://www.my-haven2001.com/Newsletter/April2010.htm    

If you'd like to join Jude's Yahoo Chat/Newsletter group, the url is:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Jude_Masons_Newsletter/ 

To have your name added to my mailing list, please email me at:

Jude.Mason AT yahoo.ca 

 

 Take care and have an amazing day! 

Hugs
Jude     

Free today only, Feral Heat

Free eBook!

To celebrate Earth Day on April 22nd we are showcasing some great series books by offering the first in 21 series for free.

Each day from April 1 - April 21, there will be a new free eBook. Sample a new to you series and experience some fabulous authors you may have missed.

Today's series pick is the Untamed Hearts series by Jenna Byrnes, Jude Mason and Total e-Bound Publishing.

Book 1 - FREE Book 2 Book 3

All Romance E-books is offering the first book in the series for free. The others are at regular price, so now's the time to check this series out. Come and meet Kai and his sexy mate Aric as well as the sensual Sable who joins the two men in a mystery I'm sure you'll enjoy.

The link to the free e-book is: http://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-feralheat-12441-142.html
Good reading and I hope you enjoy!

Hugs
Jude and Jenna

Released today: Stiff Trick

Stiff Trick

by Jude Mason

ISBN: 978-0-85715-125-4

Publisher: Total E-Bound

Genre: Contemporary/ Gay/ BDSM

Buy Link: http://www.total-e-bound.com/product.asp?strParents=&CAT_ID=&P_ID=748

An undercover cop, a hoodlum with a chip on his shoulder and the drug lord from hell - who wins and who dies?

Nate's one of drug lord Sam Delany's body guards and while he might not be completely happy with his life, he's grown accustomed to it. Enter Jason Kemp, gorgeous, dark-haired hunk who also turned out to be a cop. Nate's world is turned upside down when he not only falls for the cop, but winds up craving to submit to the man.

An ultimatum from Jason and a race to collar Sam Delany could cost Nate his life. Can Jason's hair brained plan work, or will his Sklave wind up paying the deadly price

Excerpt:

“If you want to stay, you’ll have to abide by the rules.”

Jason’s voice was barely loud enough for Nate to hear. Nate had known the ultimatum was coming but wasn’t sure he was ready for it.

“You know what I am. I can’t have you living with me if you’re still one of Sam’s boys.”

Snuggling into Jason’s arms, Nate took a moment to enjoy the slip and slide of his lover’s flesh against his own. Rumpled bedclothes tangled around both his and Jason’s feet from the exuberant fucking they’d just shared. Pillows lay here and there, one tucked beneath his hip, another at his feet. The rest they’d tossed on the floor while wrestling on the bed.

His ass hurt.

“I know, and I also know I’m ready to ditch Sam and his little empire,” he murmured, the soft downy fur on Jason’s chest tickling his lips as he spoke. He slid his hand over the man’s chest and down his well-muscled belly. The temptation to grab his cock was nearly overwhelming, but it wasn’t the time. That had passed. “Sam’s not going to let me go just because I want out, you know that.”

Jason turned onto his side, facing Nate. In the dimly lit room, the man’s eyes appeared as black as the hair he kept in a ponytail. A day old growth of beard added to the sinister look he’d apparently adopted for this undercover operation. It was also one of the things Nate had found so attractive about him. He loved ‘em big and rugged looking. Jason Kemp filled the bill, and more. He was a hunk. Well over six and a half feet tall and sporting a sneer at the slightest provocation, he’d gained a rep as a real hard ass.

Sam had liked his attitude and taken a real shine to the undercover narc. From their first meeting at the run down bar Sam Delany used as his store front, when Jason had tossed one of the drug lord’s bodyguards into the street for being less than polite, they’d gotten along like two peas in a pod. Nate had watched and understood the boss’ attraction, had felt it himself, yet he had wondered what was ‘that’ special about him.

---

Buy Link: http://www.total-e-bound.com/product.asp?strParents=&CAT_ID=&P_ID=748

Released today, Lunch is Served

 Lunch is Served

by Jude Mason

Contemporary/ Gay MM/ BDSM

ISBN# 978-0-85715-119-3

Publisher: Total E-Bound

BUY LINK

Admitting you're gay is difficult enough. Can Philip Sands go even farther and admit he wants to be dominated?

Philip Sands needs a job. When he finds one at The Gate Room, a gay BDSM club owned and run by the sexy Mark Freeman, he's faced with a dilemma. He'd admitted to being gay years ago, but had hidden his submissive side, even from himself. Dressed in the sexy leather gear required for his new job, Philip finds himself drawn into the lifestyle and lusting after Mark. Constantly aroused by the scenes taking place in the club, the duties he's asked to perform are more then a little frustrating.

An evening meeting, which turns out to be so much more, only adds to his torment. When Mark invites him to come in for lunch the following day, Philip jumps at the chance. Will their meeting turn into more? Will he finally find the courage to tell Mark his feelings? And what does the handsome Mark have in mind?
 

BUY LINK

Proofreading--a dying art?

Personally, I think people underestimate the intelligence of headline
writers.  I feel certain that some of the hilarious headlines we see are not
accidents...hehe!


Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this.  It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!!
They put in a correction the next day.
______________________________

__

I just couldn't help but send this along. Too funny..

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

No crap, really? Ya think?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Now that's taking things a bit far!

-----------------------------------------------------------
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

What a guy!
---------------------------------------------------------------

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
------------------------------------------------------

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

See if that works any better than a fair trial!
----------------------------------------------------------

War Dims Hope for Peace

I can see where it might have that effect!
 ----------------------------------------------------------------

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Ya think?!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Who would have thought!
----------------------------------------------------------------

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

They may be on to something!
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
----------------------------------------------------------

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

He probably IS the battery charge!
 ----------------------------------------------

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Weren't they fat enough?!
-----------------------------------------------

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

That's what he gets for eating those beans!
-------------------------------------------------

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Do they taste like chicken?

****************************************

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

***************************************************

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Boy, are they tall!

*******************************************

And the winner is......

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Did I read that right?
***************************************************


Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity
and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a
chuckle). We all need a good laugh, at least once a day!

Coming, April 5th Lunch is Served in Audio

Lunch is Served

by Jude Mason

Contemporary/ Gay MM/ BDSM

ISBN# 987-0-85715-104-9

Publisher: Total E-Bound

Audio Book

Release date: April 5. 2010

BUY LINK

Admitting you're gay is difficult enough. Can Philip Sands go even farther and admit he wants to be dominated?

Philip Sands needs a job. When he finds one at The Gate Room, a gay BDSM club owned and run by the sexy Mark Freeman, he's faced with a dilemma. He'd admitted to being gay years ago, but had hidden his submissive side, even from himself. Dressed in the sexy leather gear required for his new job, Philip finds himself drawn into the lifestyle and lusting after Mark. Constantly aroused by the scenes taking place in the club, the duties he's asked to perform are more then a little frustrating.

An evening meeting, which turns out to be so much more, only adds to his torment. When Mark invites him to come in for lunch the following day, Philip jumps at the chance. Will their meeting turn into more? Will he finally find the courage to tell Mark his feelings? And what does the handsome Mark have in mind?

BUY LINK

UPS Airlines

Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics corrects the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode
.*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
*
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.

Come see what makes Jude tick!

That's right, I tick. Oh wait, maybe not exactly tick, but I do have a brand new interview up you all might find interesting and fun. There's a brand spanking new site out there that's got a little bit for everyone. As it grows, I'm sure it'll have tons of stuff for everyone, but I'm there now. So, get yourselves over there and take a look. It's called 'Rude Words' and just the name alone has got to make you want to check it out. I know it did me. LOL Here's the link to my interview:

http://rude-words.com/2010/04/01/author-interview-with-jude-mason/#comment-54

I'd love a comment. Heck, I'd just like for you to come see.

Hugs