Thursday, August 26, 2010

Australia Q and A

I wish I could take credit for this, even some of it, but I can't. It's very funny and I hope you enjoy.

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These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)
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Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ). 
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. 
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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA ) 
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
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Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney . Can I follow the railroad tracks?( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
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Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in  Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK ) 
A: What did your last slave die of?
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Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA ) 
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle-shaped continent south of Europe . Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
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Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA ) 
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. 
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Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK ) 
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
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Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is... Oh, forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
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Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK ) 
A: You are a British politician, right?
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Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany ) 
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
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Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA ) 
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled, and make good pets.
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Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA ) 
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
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Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA ) 
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
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Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France ) 
A: Only at Christmas.
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Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA ) 
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

8 comments:

Cecile said...

Oh my gosh you have got to be kidding me!!!!!! ***ROFLMAO** I can not believe there are people this... okay... stupid! Really.. OMG... Thanks for the giggles!!!

Jude Mason said...

*Huge grin* I debated whether to post this or not. I thought it was hilarious too, but I really don't want to upset anyone.

It is hard to believe some of these were real, but hey, people can be pretty dim sometimes, and it doesn't matter which country.

Hugs

Verb said...

I know what you mean, it's easy to cause offence, but this is genuinely funny. I love the gag about high heels and British politicians - I just wish I'd thought of it first!

Jude Mason said...

A certain X prime minister of yours comes to mind. ROFLMAO!

Thanks Verb!

Hugs

Verb said...

Yep, but I can just grin and Blair it...

I just wish he wasn't getting so rich from being such a tosser!

Houston A.W. Knight said...

ROTFLOL! This is it...this is the place...I'm soooo happy Cecile turned me on to your place!

Thanks for the laughs
Hawk

Jude Mason said...

Hawk,

Well, I must make sure to thank Cecile. And, thank you for dropping by, I'm so glad you think this is the place. LOL!

Hugs
Jude

Houston A.W. Knight said...

Hi Jude,

Yes, Cecile's the girl to thank...she always knows the best places to visit...and she always shares...she even put your buttom on my blog to make it easy to get over here.

I just got an award and I'm to pass it on to new blogs I think are awesome...so I'm passing it on to you. Come by and get your award. It's o.k., if your blog page is an award free page...just leave the award where it is, but know I like your blog and thought it worthy of such an award.

Hawk