Thursday, September 17, 2009

Porkville News

The Porksville Police is asking the public to keep their eyes open for the suspect in the destruction of two homes and the vandalizing of another. Two brothers have had their homes literally blown down around them, while the third managed to outwit the culprit by taking extreme precautions. At this time the suspect is not thought to be armed, but may be dangerous, so please don't try to apprehend him yourself.

Following an interview with the brothers, we've managed to piece together the circumstances of the crime. Chops Trotter, the youngest of the brothers, built his home quickly and economically out of straw, but failed to take into consideration the suspects previous threats. Ribs, the middle brother, scoffed at his younger brother and constructed his home of wood, which although not as economical, he thought would be safer. Roast Trotter, the eldest brother, deemed his younger siblings as lazy and lacking in foresight. He therefore constructed his own fine home of brick. It did take much longer, and cost considerably more, but he thought it worth the extra time and expense.

On the afternoon of the crime, Chops was inside his home, when the suspect shouted for him to open up. Thinking he was quite safe, the brother gave a curt reply of, 'Not likely' or something to that effect, whereupon the suspect surprisingly, blew the straw house to the ground. Fortunately the youngest escaped and made it to Ribs' home, and was sheltered there. Moments later the scene was re-enacted almost word for word, with the same response by the middle brother, 'No way," or something similar. His house did last a little longer but also ended up a pile of rubble after the ensuing wind.

Roast gave them sanctuary but the suspect was on their heels. He shouted for the brothers to let him in, to which they responded, not on your life, or some-such. The homes construction is all that saved the three.

From what the three brothers said, the wind was incredible, but the house stood. The perpetrator finally departed, but with the promise of future action.

The suspect is of average height and slender build, with a dark brown pelt. Large teeth, very large erect ears and an extraordinarily long nose. Anyone with any information about the suspect, is asked to contact the Porksville Police.


Bryl R. Tyne said...

I really like this, Jude! Too funny. =D


Jenna Byrnes said...

WTF? Is this an email joke you got from Mogger?



Jude Mason said...


Thanks so much. It was a fun exercise to do.


Jude Mason said...

Hey Jenna,

Pout, you don't like my piggies! LOL

This was an exercise I did awhile ago when I attended an online writing class. I can't for the life of me remember what the assignment was, but this was what I wrote.

Mog, humph... as if he'd come up with something this dumbassed!


Anonymous said...

Um, that was amazing. I really liked it (although I didn't actually connect the 3 Little Pigs till I got to Ribs, lol). Very nice!

Jude Mason said...

Hi Zora,

Amazing! Wow! Thank you. It was fun to write, but definitely not my usual genre. (Yes, I know, we're all glad about that...LOL) Thanks so much for stopping by.